kaiesthai

la folie raisonnante

49 Watchers11 Deviations

10.4K

Pageviews

Latest Deviations

See all

presentiment by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

presentiment

Your name is Aubrey Kilmaron, and you fear (too much to) love. - It started some cold dark day when you were small and you first realized the fairytale games girls in your kindergarten played were nothing like what you came home to. The rules of playing house were unfamiliar, and though you only learned the word two grades later, they felt too optimistic to hold past the age of playgrounds and lunchboxes everyone's mother packed for them except yours. This was the first time your teachers or little classmates ever heard you laugh, when you realized this; it was a soft sound, rare and terrifyingly aged. It sounded like your father's, and the

Long feathery bronze glittering long eyelashes by kaiesthai, literature

stigmata, in progress by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

stigmata, in progress

By the time he wakes he's alone in the room. It's seven AM, the day before his twenty-third birthday, and beside him the bed is empty. The shades have already been drawn up, although there's little light to let in. The sky outside is a grey-blue peculiar to the moments before dawn on a rainy day. He reads the note left on his lover's side of the bed, pausing before he rouses himself. The silence of the emptiness disconcerts him, so as he dresses himself he sings. He pulls some tasteful conservative-but-flattering sweater out of his suitcase and over his head, taking a pair of his boyfriend's jeans left out on the floor, instead of his usual

Beyond Humanity by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Beyond Humanity

You, you and your mistakes. Any other person, I’d just ask- when will you learn? But I know you already did. Do you really feel the need to burn so badly? Because you will. And you will be the final victim, as I’m sure we both know. I’ve never underestimated you. You’re a beautiful little boy, but you never grew all the way into your mind, your body. You’re just a little boy torn up, ripped up, cut and pasted. Oh yes, I steal your words. Oh yes, I heard that. I heard it all. Not commutative, is it, the statement? I never underestimated you. Because you underestimated me. And still I’ll never find you. Even if

Undertow by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Undertow

Today she breaks, on the subway she sees someone- Someone who brings up too many memories. Only bears a passing resemblance, but it’s still too much. Too much, too soon. Too fucking soon. Shouldn’t have died so soon. She comes home, and remembers why she decided they wouldn’t have big knives in their house. Because of days like this. And she misses, she misses fearing for her life not from herself, but from the choices she followed because she followed love- she followed his ideal. His kind of justice. Followed it, did everything for it. And yet she doesn’t fear for her life at all, even though she’s standing here

Hollow by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Hollow

He walks in, she says hello. He catches himself remembering the way things used to be, and he knows she’s doing the same. The shock of the pain would never dull. Time’s supposed to heal, but it can’t dissolve the shrapnel underneath the skin. Nothing can. He brings the cigarette to his mouth, and recalls the way he’d stop as soon as he got that look. Back when he’d known what it was to be complete. Before his life had been stolen. Before all beauty, all meaning, all trust and belief and love had been ripped out from underneath him by a goddamn notebook. She has to ask him to stop, and he does reluctantly. Her eyes

Tiaras and Twisted Dreams by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Tiaras and Twisted Dreams

It was printed in an interview with Misa-Misa last week that she had always, always, always loved to play dress-up. This was true. When Amane Misa was a little girl, she would put on her mother’s high heels and toddle around, her older sister standing behind her to make sure she didn’t fall and hurt herself. She wanted to be pretty like the princesses in all her stories, because only the princesses got the princes and little Misa had decided it wasn’t worth the effort to be someone mediocre, to get someone mediocre, but she wasn’t going to be a nobody. She was determined to be a star from the moment she understood what i

Belladonna by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Belladonna

She screams. Her voice rang in an empty room the first time I heard it like this, but now- She asked to be here, didn’t she? She said she loved the fields at night. Darling, dearest, lover-girl, I only want you happy. Nothing more. So stop screaming, can’t you, for a second? I only need to show you what it means to be. It would only take a second. You would never have to scream again, I promise! You make me feel so much more than the broken pieces you stepped on once when I’m with you, don’t you understand? I want you to feel the same way. And for you to feel the same way, you have to be broken and walked on. Don’

Death of the Absolved by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Death of the Absolved

You. Fuck off. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate me i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate us i hate you i hate you i hate me me me me me I WILL NEVER BE always yours for all eternity because we forgot where the lines went, why’d we forget, why’d we go losing them? The destruction of the self is a sublime thing only when the victim was once great. There’s a sadistic sort of pleasure in the tearing apart, the sort of internal civil war between the god and the animal that brings the combination, the human, down. It’s a sacrifice always made, because there’s somethin

WIP- untitled A+B by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

WIP- untitled A+B

His steps were taken self-consciously, and he knew they seemed strange- or at least, he felt that they were strange. These hallways were bathed in a golden sort of light, and seemed like home. Someone’s home. The architecture was exquisite, far more than most would even dream of, but they seemed... warm, somehow. He liked it cold. As they were leading him to what was apparently his room, he saw one door open- he could only get a glimpse of the boy inside, but it was enough. His eyes were an icy blue- It struck him that icy was the most appropriate word to describe them of any. They seemed like they could be the watery sort, but they w

See All

Featured Gallery

See all

presentiment by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

presentiment

Long feathery bronze glittering long eyelashes by kaiesthai, literature

stigmata, in progress by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

stigmata, in progress

Hollow by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Hollow

Tiaras and Twisted Dreams by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Tiaras and Twisted Dreams

WIP- Yours 1-3 by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

WIP- Yours 1-3

Her frame was thin. Delicate. It seemed as if she were made of air itself, the subtleties of her movement betraying the truth of what she was. Her eyes, though, were something beyond the realm of the natural. When you looked into her eyes, you looked into a void. Endless pain, endless hatred, endless annihilation. Despair. Her eyes were the eyes of despair. --- She collapses on the ground, her movements still so soft, her body still so ethereal. The way she bends to your will has the same sort of beauty, and you love it. Live for it, even. She becomes the meaning in your life. Her beauty and her eternity, even if it is the eternity of

WIP- untitled A+B by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

WIP- untitled A+B

Death of the Absolved by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Death of the Absolved

Belladonna by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Belladonna

Undertow by kaiesthai, literature

Literature

Undertow

Watchers 49

See all

RetardedOrangeCat22

dreamofredmansions

Tigerparadise

confuzzled-Desu-Noto

lilpinkbunny2

BChanXD

j-u-s-t-a-b-o-y

SouthPawFox

Romio-and-Julia

octironstar

xXInternalBleedingXx

SheWhoShines

Watching 33

See all

dreamofredmansions

Carmetsys

lirixx

lilpinkbunny2

mina9112

Illyz

seasonsinthesky

lovingthemonster

legacyofjeff

like-fireflies

we-are-machines

shebledgreenink

TheSwampDragon

indelible-phobia

Annathing

Collection

Favourites

See all

this is insane to say the least by Carmetsys, literature

Literature

this is insane to say the least

This is insane to say the least. I tell you, when was the last time you decided to give up your life for a noble cause, the last time you seriously decided to become a martyr? If you have before, and were serious enough to go through with it, then you probably aren't around to read this right now. But the rest of you: Can you imagine laying your lives on the line for the better good of this world? Could anything convince you to make that fatal decision? Stop, right now, and Imagine it. If you can't imagine it, you can't imagine what's running though my mind right now. What am I doing? I still can't believe I'm doing this. I'm not sure

About kaiesthai

See all

United States
Deviant for 14 years

Badges

Posts

See all

kaiesthai

Jun 24, 2011

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

https://carolinamusicawards.com/vote-for-the-2011-cm-awards/ Vote Liz Ross for Best Rock Female. And I'll love you forever. Promise. <3 <3 <3

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

kaiesthai

Dec 22, 2010

worship him~

0 min read

https://asmedai.deviantart.com/art/Non-Plus-Ultra-190514486 http://fav.me/d35fckr

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

kaiesthai

Dec 7, 2010

ok. plans.

0 min read

i can't keep not-writing. the blocks won't go away on their own so i have to push through whatever i have to push through, hahaa, whether that's withdrawal from medication or just through the walls of my mind. i need to create. i may delete my entire gallery i have up now except for a few certain pieces though, i don't want all that bs i wrote when i was an emo 12 year old. life is busy. but that makes it all the more necessary to find time for the things that count~ Ikazuyr-Eru (https://www.deviantart.com/ikazuyr-eru) and Needling (https://www.deviantart.com/needling) i want to write with you, so B email me and courtney text me. kthxbai. <3